This Is Ray Resurrected! my New Year Resolution and Goals

Hello guys! Happy new Year Lho!
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done my last post. but nevertheless, i tried to make another post today.

A lot of things happens in 2013, that’s for sure.

I’ve graduated at last *YAY!*, and already have a decent job in the leading consulting firm in Indonesia (which is good!),

Sure, there are some lost chances here in 2013,.. One of it was going to Canada by being IBM’s interns. I really spent quite some efforts preparing myself for the test. (Heck, I was one of THE BEST in one of those test!), but turns out the opportunity to be interns was already closed. Talking about false hope, #sigh.

But then again, I found a great company to start my own career. It’s principles and work ethics fits mine, so I guess I have it really nice there. Met a couple new friends, learn new skills to brag about (Hahaha!), and most importantly, learning to make my own place in this fast world.

I don’t really have much time to write.

like, seriously, your job can consumes up to 60% – 70% of your time. So you really wants to make the rest counts.
juggling between works and personal relationship could be a tough job guys! trust me.

but that’s the past.., Now we arrived at 2014. and new year is all about our resolution!

for those who don’t believe in new year resolution, you can check out these video below :



the science behind it was to share the resolution you had with some friends, so you can support each other through the year. and I guess that’s awesome!

I shared my last year resolution with one of the best person I know, and luckily for me, he still remembers it and asked me how well did I do through out the year, well…. it’s awesome! hahaha, so why don’t we try it again now.., not with a single person, but with a whole lot of you guys 😀

My 2014 resolution is : I really wanted to Know and to take myself closer to God, to really understand what He wants in my Life, and be humble enough to walk His path. I know I have been being lost for far too long.., and I guess it’s my time to really come back and sit quietly, and really listen.

Sounds pretty deep huh? 😀

for that’s my resolution. now comes my goals… here are the short list of what i wanted to do in 2014, hope I could do all these things before the year ends lho!

1. Travel More! really wanted to go and have a nice travel this year, I am thinking about 3 – 4 trips this year. hope I could done it! (and my job schedule allows it.. hahaha)

2. Fixing My Pc! my pc just takes a lot of space in my room without any real use. so if I could fix it, I can start working decently in my home

3. Start documenting more. truth is, I really sucks at documenting event. even my own. If not for my friends out there that constantly flashing their camera, I might as well has no new photo for myself.

4. Take care of my health. Yeahh… I have been diagnosed with hypertension in my mere age of 22. I guess I really have to take care of my health.

the last one is optional, but it would be really great if it could really happens.

5. I really would like to work abroad, to feel and to see other country and culture. it has always been my dream. so perhaps it could become true now? let’s just see..

– This is Me –



Hi there! wow, it’s been quite some times, eh?

So, tonight I would love to talk about a little thing called “Responsibility”.

It’s all started when a friend of mine, Mario (Ito) shared his experienced when he was interviewed by his COO, it’s quite amazing that nowadays, we often picture a word called responsibility with so much negativity. most of us even consider it as a burden.

When I first hear this statement from Mario, I agreed spontaneously. I mean, having a lot of responsibility sometimes weighs us down, making us unable to do other things we wanted to. Not to mention the fears of messing up things. when your responsibility goes higher, so does the risk. So how do we see our responsibility other than burden?

And that’s the main question : How can we see “responsibility” as a positive words that could helps us to move forwards?

I spent Two days or so trying to answer this question. and then one answer seems to fill in quite nicely. This is the answer I found :

When someone gives you a responsibility / responsibilities about something, the bright side is, He/She believes that you can do it well. Some people, usually someone who’s your superior / boss, will assess you before giving you the responsibility about anything. If he / she gave it to you, you’re the right person. 

from that point, You can start seeing someone giving you a responsibility as a genuine appreciation about yourself, and your talent regarding the matters. You no longer see it as a burden, but as a chance to prove yourself, and as a compliment. a compliment that you, as you are now, have the quality to do these kind of new things, this new responsibility, where the old you will never have even a slightest chance of doing it.


Well, that’s my answer.


But then, something else struck me, and leading me to ask another question.

People gives other people chances, they give them chances, along with the responsibilities attached to it.

Personally, some people already giving me many chances in Live, and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. Mostly I assess myself, and decide whether i will be able to live up to the expectation and giving them my best. To put simply, I tried to answer this  question: am I the right man, in the right time, in the right place? 

because of that, I might be missing a chance that MIGHT BE, leading me into greatness. It’s been bugging me quite a lot, because when someone offers you something, a chance with a great responsibility behind it, you have to assess, whether you fit for the job or not.

and assessing yourself, meaning not to overestimate nor to underestimate yourself and your value. Underestimating it would result in a low self esteem condition and losing several great chances for success, but overestimating would result in mediocre performance, or worse, a total failure. being not the right man, for the right place, or simply not at the right time.

my question for you : when a person trusting something over you, giving you the responsibility, he/she believes in you. BUT,

do you believe in yourself?



– This is me

Love, Brain, Heart, Boys, Girls

well, good night everyone. tonight, I want to become my old self. a BOY.
yup, that irrational, emotional, spoiled, stupid, and egoistic old me, the boy.

also let’s tonight talk about LOVE.

the GRAND Love everyone’s looking for. a thing everyone’s talking about long before the time even existed. thing that everyone’s desperately search and long for. yes. this is it. this is love.

And then, let’s talk about HEART. the source of all the longing and searching for love. the one responsible for the butterfly in your stomach, the red colour on your face, yes. all the excitement, and pain, comes from the heart. The heart that’s longing for love.

and let’s all also talk about the BRAIN, the good, rational, trustworthy brain. the one who takes control, giving you all the rationality you need. keeps you calm, composed and reliable. It’s the one that keeps you at bay, hold your composure, and hold all the brakes.

A MAN, such as how i usually like to picture myself , always depicted as the one who has all the rationality when they fall in love. A boy, just like it’s mature counterparts, also depicted as a person who can control their emotion. they tend to use their brain, not their heart. They also often pictured as insensitive, rational, and tend to use a  logic – based decision, when it comes to LOVE. brain is a sure win.

A WOMAN, and a girls, as it’s younger counterparts, somehow depicted as the exact opposite as a boy. they tend to use their heart when they’re facing a problem, especially when it comes to LOVE. Heart is a sure win.

But guys, let me tell you this. as a Boy I am tonight.
Boys don’t use their head. Hell, their BRAIN is dead when they fall in love! they purely act on a whim. A burst of spontanity. they follow what their heart says. and Damn they hurt badly by that. I hereby declare that, in case of love. All men will act like a spoiled, irrational, emotional, stupid, and egoistic boy. It’s just like that one little boy you see at the mall that wanted the good new toys, and will do ANYTHING to get it. Yes. that’s what we are.

Although some of us did hide it quite well behind the mask of fake smile and strong heart, we ALL wanted our toys! that’s it! (pardon my metaphore. of course women are not our toys, they’re our most precious partner in life). and we want it badly… so bad that it’s hurt!

the two things that stopping us from doing exactly anything to get our Love are , obviously not the brain , our Ego, and you. the Girls.

it’s all because the fact that you’re not a toy, jewel,  or even a million dollar of money. NO, it’s because you’re far more better than that, we stop ourself. it’s because you are you, the very same beautiful human that God created equal to us, Men. And because you have your own wants, and because maybe, sadly, we are not one of it, that we stop trying exactly anything to get you.

and we tried to perfect our mask of fake smile and strong heart. till finally we forgot how to smile, and our heart become as strong and as cold as a rock.

And sometimes, maybe some other times, we will found another Love.
but as for tonight, I will still be a boy perfecting my smile.

To Lead, not motivate


I found a nice article recently. stating that the role of leader is NOT to motivate, but to lead.

this point of view totally contradict what i’ve learnt… so i was really intrigued by it. Ability to motivate people is often pictured as a quality a great leader should have.

the article state that, motivation comes from within, and we can do nothing about it. a great motivator can spark the motivation. but to make it last, people need to make the motivation their own. not just a pety sparkle spaked by other.

well, after seeing (and being in) so many examples, i can truly agree with the statement.

 many people i know is a good person. they can certainly lead a team. but most of them is trying to save everybody, and sadly, most of them spent too much effort to save everybody. (that’s arguably worth “saving”).

take this as an example. most person I know in my inner circle is a good person. most of them is an excellent individual, and because of that, they has given the chance to lead a team or two.

the thing is, not every team consist of a great talent.
sometimes there are “bad apples” inside it and all we can do is to deal with it.

most of the time, the leader (which is my friends) will focus the attention trying to “repair” the “bad apples”. sadly, so little of them succedeed.

the thing is, we cannot really fix anything that’s related to human psychology or behaviour, without changing the human him/her – self. and changing a person from years of habit requires a lot of time and effort, and I mean A LOT.

we can motivate them. but all we said mostly will just be a sparkle that spark for a while. IF they don’t decide to take up that spark, and light the motivation by His/ Her own. it’ll be lost.

so, if you’re a leader, a responsible being to LEAD a team, with all the burden of performance you should shoulder, do you have any luxury to do all the motivation? I don’t think so. 

So, if you’re responsible for anything and you are somewhat a leader. take my note.

You’re here to LEAD. do your job. Lead your team towards the goal. set the example, show them how. And don’t lose your focus.

and yes, every people need a push and boost every now and then, and give them just that. it’s needed. but never waste your time on someone who can’t stand up for they own.

and hey! if you’re trying to be nice, maybe you can give them a chance to walk off and find the job they really interested in. 

Let’s end this with a quote.

“All I can do is to point you the way, and hope that you’ll walk towards it.”

Good? Bad? Rationalization…

I found a good video in brain pickings a few days ago. it tells us about something true, but remains quite hidden from our daily perception.

Check this out!

considering what it say is true, I think I might be having a great deal of rationalization. (at least in some area inside my point of view)

I like to describe myself as a person who follows a set of code, imposed by me unto myself. and I really take it seriously. I mean, I like to think that if we can’t act in a way that ourselves deemed fit, how can we do anything else?  How can we face ourselves in the mirror if we’re unable to say “this person is a good person” ?

but, as the clip tells us, in order to keeps a good sense of moral righteousness in ourselves, we had to have a great deal of rationalization in some “bad” acts that we’ve done.

The bad thing is, i can rationalize things quite well…, so i honestly feels no guilt at all.. The worse thing is, i rationalize something so good that, maybe, you ended up with a feeling that maybe YOU’re the one at fault.

In some way, it’s convenient. like when you need to make a convincing excuse about something, or when you really feels like you’ve done nothing wrong and in need to convince someone’s about that (well, let’s say in case of love quarrel maybe?)

in other way.. it leaves you as a “hard” person to handle, a stubborn, self oriented person with a little or no empathy at all. since your excuse is so good no one can ever blames you for anything, your credibility can never goes up with that.

and that’s what i fear the most. when you honestly believe that you’re innocent, and the other’s honestly accepted your excuses and your innocence, but things are not the same, ever.

I really wonder how many times did i lost my relations over something like that.